Day 1 – Sunday, 25 November

Today marks the beginning of the 16 DAYS OF ACTIVISM FOR NO VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN AND CHILDREN. It is an International Campaign to oppose violence against women and children.  It aims to raise awareness of the negative impact that violence and abuse have on women and children and to rid society of abuse. The campaign starts on the United Nations International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women [http://www.un.org/en/events/endviolenceday/] and ends on 10 December, Human Rights Day.

Please visit our Facebook page for more info: https://web.facebook.com/womensministriesncsa

Wear a white ribbon during the 16 days to symbolize your commitment to breaking the cycle of violence against women and children.

Day 2 – Monday 26 November

What is Abuse?

To intentionally or unconsciously injure or damage someone physically, psychologically/ emotionally, or sexually, with intent to dominate, intimidate, control and/or exercise power over them. Abuse can be isolated or habitual, premeditated or spontaneous.
The one who inflicts the abuse is typically called the abuser; the one who is abused is typically called the victim.

For more info on the kinds of abuse and what the Bible has to say, please visit our Facebook page: https://web.facebook.com/womensministriesncsa

Day 3 – Tuesday, 27 November

MYTH: Victims provoke their partners’ violence.

FACT: Whatever the problems exist in a relationship, the use of violence is never justifiable or acceptable.  There is NO EXCUSE for domestic violence.

Day 4 – Wednesday, 28 November

Abuse is a frightening and traumatic experience. It is very important not to blame the victim.

Avoid accusatory or dismissive statements such as:
“I’m sure he/she didn’t really mean to hurt you.” “It’s no big deal; you’ll get over it.”
“What did you do to provoke it?”
“Are you making this up?”
“Don’t tell anyone about this; it’s too embarrassing.”

Instead, use comforting statements such as these:
“I’m so sorry you had to go through this; no one should have to hurt.” “I believe you, and I know that you’re telling the truth.”
“It’s not your fault; you didn’t do anything to deserve this.”
“I’m here for you whenever you feel like sharing and praying.”
“I’m glad you confided in me; together we can find you some help.”

*Service Contact:

National Crisis Line – Counselling Service 086 132 2322*

Day 5 – Thursday, 29 November

MYTH: Domestic violence is a private family matter.
FACT: Domestic Violence is everyone’s business. Keeping domestic violence secret helps no one, has been shown to harm children, incurs substantial costs to society, and serves to perpetrate abuse through learned patterns of behavior.

Service Contacts:

Family and Marriage Society of South Africa for advice on family relations
011 975 7107

Day 8 – Sunday, 2 December

MYTH: It is easy for a victim to leave their abuser, so if he/she doesn’t leave, it means he/she likes the abuse or is exaggerating how bad it is.

FACT: Fear, lack of safe options, and the inability to survive economically prevent many victims from leaving abusive relationships. Threats of harm, including death to the victim and/or children, keep many battered women/men trapped in abusive situations. The most dangerous time for a victim is when he/she attempts to leave the relationship, or when the abuser discovers that he/she has made plans to leave.

Day 9 – Monday, 3 December

Battered Woman Syndrome

Battered woman syndrome is a psychological condition due to abuse, usually at the hands of an intimate partner. People experiencing battered woman syndrome may struggle to leave an abusive relationship due to fear, beliefs about the abuser’s power, and a belief that they are the cause of the abuse.
People of all genders can experience battered woman syndrome. The diagnosis uses the term “woman” because more women than men are victims of domestic violence. However, the term “battered person syndrome” is also used to refer to victims of any gender.

Battered woman syndrome is not a medical diagnosis. Instead, it describes a pattern of behavior closely related to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

People with battered woman syndrome typically show signs of PTSD related to the abuse. Those symptoms may continue even after leaving the abusive relationship. They include:
•difficulty sleeping, including nightmares and insomnia
•sudden intrusive feelings about the abuse
•avoiding talking about the abuse
•avoiding situations reminiscent of the abuse
•feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness
•intense feelings of fear
•panic attacks or flashbacks to the abuse

In addition to PTSD, people with battered woman syndrome show symptoms that may be confusing to outsiders. Those include:
•learned helplessness
•refusing to leave the relationship
•believing that the abuser is powerful or knows everything
•idealizing the abuser following a cycle of abuse
•believing they deserve the abuse

Battered woman syndrome often coincides with a cycle of abuse. The stages of the cycle of abuse include:
•Tension building: This is a period during which tension slowly builds and causes low-level conflict. The abuser may feel neglected or angry and think that these feelings justify aggression toward the victim.
•Battering phase: Eventually, the tension grows into a conflict. The abuser physically, emotionally, or sexually abuses the victim. Over time, these episodes of abuse tend to last longer and become more severe.
•Honeymoon phase: After the abuse, the abuser may feel remorse or attempt to win back the victim’s trust and affection. Some victims idealize their abusers during this period. Some abusers may also justify their abuse during the honeymoon period.

Women with battered woman syndrome or PTSD need help to get out of an abusive relationship. That may include financial support since many women are dependent on their abusers.

Leaving an abusive relationship can also have legal consequences, so some organizations offer free legal support to abuse survivors, particularly if there are children involved.

Once a person’s living situation is stabilized, they will need help to deal with the emotional and physical aftermath of abuse. Treatment may include:
•learning about battered woman syndrome and how it affects self-esteem
•psychotherapy to deal with the emotional consequences of the abuse
•medical care to treat any physical effects of the abuse
•medication to manage depression, anxiety, insomnia, and other symptoms
•joining a support group

Service Contacts:

Mental Health Information Line – 0800 567 567
Legal Aid – 0800 1110 110

Day 10 – Tuesday, 4 December

MYTH: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/ABUSE IS USUALLY A ONE TIME, ISOLATED OCCURRENCE.

FACT: Battering is a pattern of coercion and control that one person exerts over another. Battering is not just one physical attack. It includes the repeated use of a number of tactics, including intimidation, threats, economic deprivation, isolation and psychological and sexual abuse. Physical violence is just one of these tactics. The various forms of abuse utilized by batterers help to maintain power and control over their spouses and partners.

Day 11 – Wednesday, 5 December

MYTH: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OCCURS ONLY IN POOR AND UNEDUCATED FAMILIES.

FACT: Studies of domestic violence consistently have found that battering occurs among all types of families, regardless of income, profession, region, ethnicity, educational level or race. However, the fact that lower income victims and abusers are over-represented in calls to police, battered women’s shelters and other social services may be due to a lack of other resources.

Day 12 – Thursday, 6 December

Health consequences of violence against women and girls

According to the World Health Organization, violence against women is a widespread experience worldwide with serious public health implications of epidemic proportions.

Day 13 – Friday, 7 December

Relationship and Dating Violence

Teen dating abuse is a pattern of abusive behavior used to have power and control over another person. Teens who abuse their girlfriends or boyfriends do the same things as adults who abuse their partners. Teen dating violence is just as serious as adult domestic violence. And it’s common. It can be:
• Any kind of physical violence or threat of physical violence to gain control.
• Emotional or mental abuse, such as playing mind games, making you feel crazy, constantly texting you, or constantly putting you down or criticizing you.
• Destroying your homework.
• Deciding what school activities in which you can participate.
• Sexual abuse, including making you do something you don’t want to do, or making you feel badly about yourself sexually. Threatening to rape you.

Effects of relationship and dating violence

Abusing self (cutting); Difficulty in making decisions Inability to concentrate; Poor communication skills; Loss of self-confidence; Nightmares; Scared; Guilt; Insomnia; Withdrawal; Anger; Promiscuity; Paranoia; Insomnia; Shame; Depression; Anxiety; Aggression and Eating disorders.

Day 14 – Sabbath, 8 December

Struggling to forgive one who abused you?

Forgiveness is a choice: